Love The Process

I have a confession.
I haven't been myself lately.

I've wanted my success to seem so effortless that I've hidden my effort in fear of judgement. How silly is that? I think this comes into the false reality we portray to others. I have had such a wave of emotions ranging from such proud moments to unrealistic disappointments with starting my new company- always wanting to show the highlights- not burdening anyone with the work it's taken to get here.

Why would anyone want to seem like success was gifted to them?

I've worked my ass off, and I've allowed myself to hide the effort to appear as someone else's version of perfect. Writing has been an escape for me, and I've neglected those methods as well.

Here's the reality.

I find myself in tears (at least) once a day due to stress. I have had a lack of appetite, lack of sleep, lack of social life, and lack of sanity at times. I've found myself questioning if my goals were too big, but not wanting to ask for help (cause who asks for help, right?) I've let little things get to me, and overlooked the big. Starting a company is hard. But it's also exciting as hell. I'm continuing to amaze myself. My goals and aspirations have continued to be reached and magnified, which has been a beautiful personal moment for myself to witness. I have networked with my idols, and am being recognized for my company. It's been a constant wave of emotions, and it's been a bit hard to catch my breath. My mind has been consumed, and I haven't given myself a break. 

I'm learning to love the process.

I'm learning that it's okay to be excited and humble-brag. I'm learning that self love is really important when starting anything. I'm learning that it's okay to be proud of yourself, and is actually encouraged. I'm learning. That's the thing. The expectation that we seem to have is that you're paving the road in front of you as you're driving 100 mph. Now is that realistic? Hell no. You have to weed the land, prepare it, pave it, and continue to do so every few feet. Sweat, tears, and calluses on your hands are nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm learning this, and I'm going to be proud of mine

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